Part 2


intense scrutiny by slowly passing police car today makes me think I’m being monitored again. Have asked marker be taken off again. Bad enough being monitored by those people without being monitored by the police as well. It was a very obvious look in the van at me personally look. Jan 24 2020

(Helen iliffe has stated on social media publically they have an automatic screenshot program which captures anything I post online)

another duty of care email- I now get an anxiety attack every time I see these and the shakes. There is no point as the abuse is still going on and the Samaritans are useless so are the other mental health orgs- they are for when the abuse is over and mine has not been resolved.

If this situation hadn’t happened I would not be so depressed with suicidal thoughts every day. Do not call the police as duty of care calls now give me anxiety attacks as they cannot do anything and I’m now in double figures and have asked them to stop contacting me as they are so distressing.

cannot believe After all the stuff that’s been done to me, he actually wants to send me to prison?

I was a genuine open warm friendly person.

I cannot do any more and there is no one else to ask. I am in a difficult situation as I cannot live being monitored by these strangers and the police. I cannot live like this when strangers control what I can do and say. My social media is reported every week.

it’s also very difficult when there are very few people who see the perspective of toxic social media.

I cannot plan much of a future. I cannot join in community groups and become part of communities. I know it’s pathetic but all I d done this year is just cry every day, I just cannot see any future which involves privacy and freedom of choice, I know I am still being monitored and they are not shy showing me – Richmond a few days ago again which covers a large area including Reeth.
it’s hard to heal when the abuse is still going on. It has to stop before you can heal.
I am not the obstruction here and I have tried many times to resolve this but there comes a point where I just want the pain to go away.

how many more times can I ask for information. It’s as tiresome for me as it is for you.

I keep putting things out there hoping there is a human being out there but the there doesn’t seem to be for me. In my mind I am at 9 3/4 out of ten. This is my fight every day now.
I am caught between definitions as emotional abuse only applies to a domestic relationship not a concerted deliberate strategy by strangers. And the number of strangers and fake profiles has determined who social media believes ie I have never been able to report any abusive comment of fake profile but I am constantly being reported, suspended etc.

all this cos I asked where an orca was and have an opinion that I don’t think one man in Shetland should control all wildlife Information and that should be done by an independent charity so everyone can take part not the chosen few

Call me highly sensitive if you wish but that helped me get a first for my performance recital for my degree B.MUS(HONS) and win woodwind prize of the year and achieve 88/100 for my LTCL which I messed up as I forgot where I was and missed a bit. I’m human, we all have talents, let’s embrace these and work together.

I will be posting an email and the document just before.

So I’ve ended up in hospital and my motorhome in the police compound with a smashed drivers window
My van will need to be run every day or the cab battery dies and it has serious consequences

I had to beg the police not to leave my van at Duncansby Head. They didn’t listen. The paramedic also had to beg them. I kept saying it’s my home, I will lose everything if you leave it here, it will be stripped. When I was in hospital I was told it had been moved.

when I went to pick up my motorhome at Wick when I was discharged I was told we always remove vehicles and keep them safe.

Not what I was told at Duncansby Head. In fact one police officer was enjoying this too much, smiling as he smashed my window with a crowbar.

but of course I can’t get this police officers name to officially complain against him. And on the cliff top he denied he’d done that with a big grin as he got me out the van. Any wonder I have absolutely no faith in any of our services any more. You know, the ones who serve, protect and help us.

I’ve been in the same clothes for 3 days and have no money, not given any toiletries or shower facilities while at Caithness general hospital 
They now want to send me to Inverness but don’t know how I am going to get back with no money. 
This is our NHS?
Where is my dignity?

and they bring a stretcher to collect me when I’m obviously very mobile and passed all the stroke tests

so I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, I was even asked if my name was real. I also caught flu, was in fact Covid. I felt physically and emotionally stripped of everything, I felt scared no one was going to listen to me or take me seriously, I felt so vulnerable. I could see and hear the Chinese whispers happening from paramedic to doctor to doctor and it was very scary. Who was even going to listen to me. I felt step by step the situation was getting worse.

In my first interview late at night, the first psychiatrist made a point of saying to me you don’t have a mental illness, I didn’t quite hear him, so he repeated it.

best news of all I don’t have a mental illness

Somehow I have to get back to Wick. I have no money on me and just have a hoodie and Ron hills on, no coat and am being told atm to take a bus or train. Blood pressure still above 200, highest few days ago was 273/120

quote from psychiatrist “the weight of evidence doesn’t match what we see in front of us’ ie me

so official news from 2 psychiatrists from st Craig’s Inverness – I do not have a mental illness nor do I have a personality disorder and I’ve been advised to laminate this.

20 feb2020 police car obviously parked in front of van while doing checks. Asked for marker to be removed.

weight of evidence:

try explaining the last 8 years in 5 minutes and I bet you will come across as having paranoia, a persecution complex, imagining people are out to get you. Yes all been said to me.

thank goodness 2 people actually took time to seriously listen to me, Those people were the psychiatrists ‘the weight of evidence against you does not match who we see in front of us’

No evidence of mental illness, no personality disorder

that’s why online shaming/bullying is so dangerous, snap judgements will always follow me now. Thank goodness I documented it and have friends who witnessed these events as they happened.